Self pity and mental illness, two great tastes in one candy bar.

Some people say this sounds like a big bummer, but I believe in life there are so many good & bad things that the best way is to find how you can be "content" with yourself and your life. To do otherwise is like gambling, that next card could put you at 20, or it might 'f' up your day, or year, or longer, losing your life's savings. 

On the flipside you could just sit on your couch and play video games, the ones where you don't have a live team of people to talk to, just yourself and the games. And never try to do anything above just "existing."

That's been me for a while now, due to a double whammy of Bipolar 1 and Extreme Panic Disorder. And the shame of it is that it's really the medicine that put the brakes on my creativity: the art & writing I studied in college, the music I taught myself to compose, all that's in storage somewhere in my head. 

The drugs keep me employed, housed, fed . . . If it weren't for the drugs, I'd probably be homeless by now cause in my manic swings, where how long they lasted was a completely unknown period of time (hours? days? weeks? months?) I had some delusions in my teens that went on for a good year and involved some very complex alternate realities. People dismissed my resulting behavior as: 

"oh, he's just weird" or 

"oh, he's just excentric" or 

"oh, he's just making that up for a reason to act strange.) 

The thing is, at work, before medication therapy, my mania came with a bloodlust for arguing with upper management. Including shouting arguments with a former Store Manager (I survived that because he actually respected me for standing up for myself! Welcome to the politics of manhood, hehe.) 

So, I'm in a 24-year rut and I want the fuck out! I've even considered going off meds. 

I've heard that a large number of actors and musicians (and artists of all types) have bipolar disorder. 

Having an inability to exceed at "normal" things, like the "average normal" person, tends to push one towards places where they can fit in. "The Land of the Misfit Toys" from that stop motion Rudolph movie by Rankin Bass, who turned the cartoon version of "Return of the King" into a freaking musical! 

And since this creativity is fueled by the disorder, the last thing they want to do is control it with meds. Often describes as a "chemical straight jacket" it turns out, by personal experience, exactly that. 

As Jeffery Goines says in the Terry Gilliam film "12 Monkeys" . . .

"Fuck the Bozos!"

Etymology of Haggard

What does the name Haggard mean?

The history of the ancestors of the Haggard family begins among the Pictish clans ancient Scotland. The name Haggard comes from the Gaelic form Mac-an-t-sagairt, which means son of the priest. Patronymic names often substituted the name of a saint or other revered religious figure in place of a devout bearer's actual father. However, the patronym Haggard often denotes actual paternity in this case, since the marriage of clerics in minor orders was permissible, although the marriage of priests was declared illegal and invalid during the 12th century.

The etymology of the name is much in debate. One source notes the "family are supposed to be derived from the Ogards of co. Hertfordshire." or the name "Haggard is a corruption of "hay-garth," a rick yard, and is so employed in Hall and Holinshed, as well as in several provincial dialects, but most probably, an ancient baptismal name which occurs in Domesday as Acard and Acardus." 1

Pastor Gibbs on Myths about Heaven

("WF"video and podcast) Are Humans the First Civilization on Earth?

(I've been throwing these ideas around since I was a kid [always an introvert partially handicapped by a wasted IQ] and most people look at me like I'm crazy. I don't think this falls into "conspiracy theories." It's much more like speculative history, archeology, written and spoken mythology, and just sitting around thinking about random things.)

https://youtu.be/lASPp9stEYA?si=Y1__raFGigzIMctK

 John 8:48-59

New King James Version

Before Abraham Was, I AM

48 Then the Jews answered and said to Him, “Do we not say rightly that You are a Samaritan and have a demon?”

49 Jesus answered, “I do not have a demon; but I honor My Father, and you dishonor Me. 50 And I do not seek My own glory; there is One who seeks and judges. 51 Most assuredly, I say to you, if anyone keeps My word he shall never see death.”

52 Then the Jews said to Him, “Now we know that You have a demon! Abraham is dead, and the prophets; and You say, ‘If anyone keeps My word he shall never taste death.’ 53 Are You greater than our father Abraham, who is dead? And the prophets are dead. Who do You make Yourself out to be?”

54 Jesus answered, “If I honor Myself, My honor is nothing. It is My Father who honors Me, of whom you say that He is [a]your God. 55 Yet you have not known Him, but I know Him. And if I say, ‘I do not know Him,’ I shall be a liar like you; but I do know Him and keep His word. 56 Your father Abraham rejoiced to see My day, and he saw it and was glad.”

57 Then the Jews said to Him, “You are not yet fifty years old, and have You seen Abraham?”

58 Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I AM.”

59 Then they took up stones to throw at Him; but Jesus hid Himself and went out of the temple, going[b] through the midst of them, and so passed by.

There is no Sanctuary. And there is no past, and no future.

 Time is NOT a direction, NOT back and forth, it's a "state." 

That would be like saying, "I would really like to go back in past milk," a completely nonsensical statement. There is milk now that is fresh. Milk now that is cold, and milk now that is lukewarm. These are all states of milk but traveling between fresh and cold to lukewarm milk is just as ridiculous. Because the universe is constantly in one state or other, flux, expansion reduction, hot cold bright dark. But the universe is never 12:20 am Central standard time in Waco Texas. And it's never 1971 AD. 


All states of now can be guessed at on a universal level. In human history states of time can be relayed by text and even the words of those now gone.


But it will never be "then" or "in the past," "then" is gone, "then" no longer exists. It will never be a forward "then" in the future. The future doesn't and never will "exist." 


Now is now is now and to imagine, discuss, write, or make a film about otherwise, is now's "proposed" past, or now's "proposed" future. We can only really know now, and now, and now. But there is no other "now" to travel to. 

There is only constantly immediately changing states of matter and energy. And nothing ever "was," and nothing ever "will be."

The Secret Name

 I am Acardus. Of Tulsi. Under the Tulasi Tree.

Many fell upon the Trail of Tears. On the way to Tulsi. Many a mighty warrior, and many a mother and her children. Some of them I knew.

"Never truck with the white man," they said. And the red rivers showed it true, blood from the earth, and sky.

Energy, Frequency, and Vibration rule the physics of the universe. Macro and Micro. Atomic and Sub Atomic. And in these terms, the three become the two. Duality. Dualism. 

Out of me comes Gabriel.

Out of me comes Raphael.

The Harp.

The Dagger.

Die.

Drag.

Dig... and then Bury.

The Tin Master and the Small

The Fruit and the Pain

Slavery the Bond

(Arnold became a satan. Turned out the coat.)

Graph this chart, and in it youl find both;

The Keys to Heaven,

And,

The Keys to Hell.

White matter. Dark matter.

Both are necessary.

Dualism concrete.

The Trinity of light.

And the Trinity of the darkness.

In the light;

God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

In the darkness;

Satan The Father, The Prince of Darkness The Son, and the Great Dragon Leviathan, he who lies in the depths of the Abyss (dead, but dreaming), the Spirit of Darkness.

All hail morning, all hail the setting of the sun

All hail the twilight when the two worlds are one

All hail night, and all hail the dawn.

All in equal parts. The two Trinities as one.

Held FAST by THE ONE. The seventh sign of the seven signs. ATEN. The Prime Motivator. The Prime Mover. Before whom nothing existed. But when he was born, the power from the crack of the egg sent forth energy and matter into Infinity. 

Though Infinity can be described as finite at its edge, after which nothing exists, it is still nearly beyond all human understanding.

All the Gods came from this singularity. They all burst forth his children from the womb.

Blessed be they who kneel before them all or choose one or some as their totem.

The sheep of heaven, also called the Sun.

The hounds of hell, also called Hades.

 Ma'at

peace and balance

Skinny Puppy "Worlock" (A View So Cruel Remix)

My remix of Skinny Puppy's "Worlock" from their album "Rabies" and single "Worlock"

Created in the mid 1990's using a crappy pc sampling program.

Because I had to cut and paste without a visual interface, by ear only, there are some very clumsy edit points that are a bit cringeworthy.

Maybe, one day, I'll redo this remix with modern equipment. . .

 https://youtu.be/ohmVTTcdCrY

Francis fried Bacon, Esquire

 

What in tarnation is going on here? I can't make head nor tail of the whole endeavor.

Early Sketches Upon Dualism by Philip Haggard Berry

Early Sketches Upon Dualism

No YHWH versus Satan, no Prince of Peace verses the Prince of Darkness

The "Triad," the three main dimensions, as well as the three systems of "self" (aka the "soul"). 

This human "soul" is not equal with the dualistic "gods" thus there is no "Triadism"

This human World aka Dimension is not equal with the Light and the Dark worlds / Dimensions.

(Although the possibility of a third religious dimension exists with the idea of "Purgatory" aka "Limbo.")

The "third" self in religious duality is the human self/soul.

Dualism simply means: two different things, ideas, phenomena. 

And only two "different" Gods "only" in the sense that they "differ" from one another, not that they are opposed, or Good versus Evil.

Dualism in the religious sense does not necessarily mean Good versus Evil. 

It does not necessarily mean there is a Good God and an Evil God.

Dualsim in the religious sense simply means there are two Gods: one associated with Light, the other associated with Dark. There is nothing inherently "good" in the light, and there is nothing inherently "evil" in the dark.

 

Gloria ad draco et omnis legio diabolic

What is Heavenly dragon?

The Two Heavenly Dragons (二天龍, Nitenryū) are Dragons with powers that can kill both Gods and Satans, and are considered to be one of the highest class of Dragons. The two Heavenly Dragons are the Red Dragon Emperor, Ddraig, and the White Dragon Emperor, Albion.

William Blake : "The Sick Rose" (Long lost missing 3rd third and 4th fourth stanzas)

William Blake : "The Sick Rose"

(Long lost missing 3rd and 4th stanzas)

O Rose, thou art sick;
The invisible worm
That flies in the night
Through the howling storm:
 
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy;
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
 
But in passages deep,
Neath earthen sky
All things come to rot
Maggots to Fly:
 
And so in decay
The worm finds it's way;
And his darkness at last
Finds it's red day.

Who's that?

43 minutes past my bedtime. Eve of the total eclipse here in Austin. 

Of course, it's going to freakin' rain all day tomorrow, so when 1:36 PM rolls around and I have my eclipse glasses all ready it's probably just going to get really dark and we won't be able to see the moon and sun lining up.

Ah well, it'll probably happen again right here over Austin. . . in about 5,000 years!

Anyway, for your viewing pleasure, a really rushed and unprofessional facial impersonation of Ming the Merciless just before he goes to bed. . . late.

Jack Zavada : Jesus Drives the Money Changers from the Temple

This article, in its entirety, is the work of the author stated below. I have not added or taken away anything from the webpage it is published on.

THE AUTHOR;

Jack Zavada

Christianity Expert

M.A., English Composition, Illinois State University

B.S., English Literature, Illinois State University

Jack Zavada is a writer who covers the Bible, theology, and other Christianity topics. He is the author "Hope for Hurting Singles: A Christian Guide to Overcoming Life's Challenges."

THE WEBPAGE;

https://www.learnreligions.com/jesus-clears-the-temple-bible-story-700066

Jesus and the Money Changers Story Summary

Jesus Christ and his disciples journeyed to Jerusalem to celebrate the feast of Passover. They found the sacred city of God overflowing with thousands of pilgrims from all parts of the world.

Entering the Temple, Jesus saw the money changers, along with merchants who were selling animals for sacrifice. Pilgrims carried coins from their hometowns, most bearing the images of Roman emperors or Greek gods, which Temple authorities considered idolatrous.

The high priest ordered that only Tyrian shekels would be accepted for the annual half-shekel Temple tax because they contained a higher percentage of silver, so the money changers exchanged unacceptable coins for these shekels. Of course, they extracted a profit, sometimes much more than the law allowed.

Accounts of Jesus driving the money changers from the Temple are found in Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 11:15-18; Luke 19:45-46; and John 2:13-17.

Jesus and the Money Changers Story Summary

Jesus Christ and his disciples journeyed to Jerusalem to celebrate the feast of Passover. They found the sacred city of God overflowing with thousands of pilgrims from all parts of the world.

Entering the Temple, Jesus saw the money changers, along with merchants who were selling animals for sacrifice. Pilgrims carried coins from their hometowns, most bearing the images of Roman emperors or Greek gods, which Temple authorities considered idolatrous.

The high priest ordered that only Tyrian shekels would be accepted for the annual half-shekel Temple tax because they contained a higher percentage of silver, so the money changers exchanged unacceptable coins for these shekels. Of course, they extracted a profit, sometimes much more than the law allowed.

Jesus was so filled with anger at the desecration of the holy place that he took some cords and wove them into a small whip. He ran about, knocking over the tables of the money changers, and spilling coins on the ground. He drove the exchangers out of the area, along with the men selling pigeons and cattle. He also prevented people from using the court as a shortcut.

As he cleansed the Temple of greed and profit, Jesus quoted from Isaiah 56:7: "My house shall be called a house of prayer, but you make it a den of robbers." (Matthew 21:13, ESV)

The disciples and others present were in awe of Jesus' authority in God's sacred place. His followers remembered a passage from Psalm 69:9: "Zeal for your house will consume me." (John 2:17, ESV)

The common people were impressed by Jesus' teaching, but the chief priests and scribes feared him because of his popularity. They began to plot a way to destroy Jesus.

Points of Interest

Jesus drove out the money changers from the Temple on Monday of Passion Week, just three days before the Passover and four days before his crucifixion.

Bible scholars think this incident happened at Solomon's Porch, the outermost part on the east side of the Temple. Archaeologists have found a Greek inscription dated to 20 B.C. from the Court of the Gentiles, which warns non-Jews not to go any further into the Temple, on fear of death.

The high priest received a percentage of the profit from the money changers and merchants, so their removal from the Temple precinct would have caused a financial loss to him. Because pilgrims were unfamiliar with Jerusalem, the Temple merchants sold sacrificial animals at a higher price than elsewhere in the city. The high priest overlooked their dishonesty, as long as he got his share.

Beside his anger at the money changers' greed, Jesus hated the noise and commotion in the court, which would have made it impossible for devout Gentiles to pray there.

About 40 years from the time Jesus cleansed the Temple, the Romans would invade Jerusalem during an uprising and level the building completely. It would never be rebuilt. Today on its location on the Temple Mount stands the Dome of the Rock, a Muslim mosque.

The Gospels tell us that Jesus Christ was ushering in a new covenant with humanity, in which animal sacrifice would end, replaced by the perfect sacrifice of his life on the cross, atoning for human sin once and for all.

Key Bible Verse

Mark 11:15–17

When they arrived back in Jerusalem, Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out the people buying and selling animals for sacrifices. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves, and he stopped everyone from using the Temple as a marketplace. He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer for all nations,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves.” (NLT)

On Existence And Paintings ----- by Philip Haggard Berry

Consciousness is a Painting
by Philip Haggard Berry

"The Sistine Chapel" 
Painted by Michelangelo (1508 to 1512)

"Mona Lisa"

Leonardo Davinci (1508 to?)

The Girl with a Pearl Earring

Johannes Vermeer (1665)

Jacques-Louis David

"Napoleon Crossing The Alps" (1800)

"Starry Night"

Vincent van Gogh (1889)

Salvador Dali

The Persistence of Memory (1931)

"Nighthawks"

Edward Hopper (1942)

Campbell's Soup Can

Andy Warhol (1962)

"Star Wars"

Tom Chantrell (1977)

Patrick Nagal

"Duran Duran : Rio" (1983)

[more art to come: 1990's, 2000's, 2010's, 2020's. Maybe pre- 1500's, 1400's, Greece, Rome, Egypt]

On Existence And Paintings ----- by Philip Haggard Berry

If we were unaware that painters painted works of art, and then suddenly found out that those paintings didn't just spring out of nowhere, there were these humans, called "painters," who actually created these paintings, seemingly out of nowhere onto a white canvas stretched out on a wooden frame. Using this substance called "paint" ground from powders and mixed with chemicals, all which had different colors. All used to create an image. Then, suddenly, the painting takes on new meaning. 

We assumed the painting just happened. But then we find out it took "painters" days, weeks, months, to complete these things using a very complex method of mixing different colored paints to create a visual recording of a person, place or thing, or the impression thereof.

So, the painting rose out of a complex and chaotic combination of factors.

Does this mean that we no longer call it a painting because it really was created by thousands of computations and guesses and physical tools.

If the painting is only the sum total of all these things. The question arises: is it inconsequential that "paintings" exist, or does it become inconsequential that "humans and a thousand factors" were involved in its creation.

What we discover is that you can't call it one way, or the other. Both incidents had to happen to create it, it had to be created by a human, AND it had to reach a point, through methods; genius or madness, where it was a "finished painting." And then, once this point of completion is reached; the painter (or painters) themselves were no longer a part of it. It became something on its own, independent of a creator, that people experienced. They liked or disliked or were neutral the independent object.

Does this mean that the painting isn't real? Is it just an illusion of reality because of the complications involved in its creation. Was the painting an unintended accident of all these factors. Or were the factors involved in its creation more important than the painting itself.

Bottom line, we have consciousness, no matter how many machines you hook up to a brain to figure out how one of the most complex things in the universe functions. No matter how many discoveries you make about how it acts or was created, how many tiny synapses fire to create a virtual concept of the brain's external world, never to actually experience it firsthand, only through the physical impressions and the mental decisions and feelings about these things which they perceive through sight sound touch and so on.

Any way one attempts to count; atoms, molecules, elements, chemicals, complex organic structures, organs, systems, bodies, the human brain, actions, reactions, inherited traits, evolution, does the sum of the parts make the whole? Or does the whole make the sum of the parts? Chicken or egg? 

None of this matters, we have a complex "mental" life, accidental or otherwise. You cannot disprove, (putting aside absurd philosophical arguments) you cannot disprove my existence. And the fact that I exist is all the proof one needs. 

The painting may have come into existence through numerous complexities. But the painting is still "the painting."

I exist simply because I know that I exist.

When I no longer know that I exist, then I no longer exist.

An argument for Atheism is that once the brain, when some of whose parts are the person, no longer functions. Then that person no longer exists.

An argument for Spiritualism is that our brains become "recorded" and "stored" in an unknown aspect of this world, or the next, and since the systems exist, then the person continues to exist.

An argument for other dimensions, two of which some would call Heaven and Hell, are simply locations which contain this recording of the self, and so the self exists there.

And if you believe as I do, these two extremes have very little to do with the human creation, construct, concept of "good" and "evil" but rather "intensity of self-awareness."

"I think, therefore I am." ----- René Descartes

cogito, ergo sum

I thought; therefore, I was. My thoughts, and every tiny part of my mind, were recorded in some dimension, and therefore this recording is the continuation of me, and if I still think (though in a new form) then I still exist.

The painter and the painting endure.

(Later on I'll write out my theory of the "brain radio.")

"Flash Gordon" (1980) Trailer. New 4K Restoration

 

It may take 3 clicks to get the video to play. You also may have to click the "unmute" button on the video screen to hear sound. But it will eventually begin.

My apologies for this irritation.

"Flash Gordon" (1980) 

New Trailer for 4K Version

A campy tour de force Sci-Fi film with stunning visuals and top notch acting of all involved (even Sam J. Jone's flawless "dumb football jock" works in the fabric of the film.)

(then check out "The Flash Gordon" music video by Queen, who also contributed some brilliant music (with synths!) to the film (The Space Capsule, and its variation The Love Theme is/are one of my favorite pieces of soundtrack music I have ever heard.

You can very easily find the Queen "Flash Gordon" video on YouTube

"The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai" (Across the 8th Dimension) [1984]

 

It may take 3 clicks to get the video to play. You also may have to click the "unmute" button on the video screen to hear sound. But it will eventually begin.

My apologies for this irritation.

"The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai"

(Across the 8th Dimension)

[1984]

Its almost impossible to pin down the "genre" of this film, which makes it stand out among most other films. John Carpenter's "Big Trouble In Little China"  [1986]  has a very similar vibe, and rumors have been floating around for 4 decades that "Big Trouble" was originally intended as a sequal to "Buckaroo." It makes perfect sense, however; all film makers and writers involved have always denied this. So its fun to contemplate, but who knows what the ultimate truth is.