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Sunday, May 25, 2025

RANDOME Deleted YouTube comments... part 1, psychology:




I have Bipolar 1 a.k.a. "Manic Depression" (a great Jimi Hendrix song, by the way) with both Mania and Depression, and sometimes both at once called a "mixed episode" which can make you feel like your personality has splintered and you are viewing something or thinking about something from two or more points of view at the same time! 

I also have "Extreme" Panic Disorder which comes along with a little friend called "agoraphobia" where I become convinced that if I leave my apartment I'm going to be murdered. 

I used to have very mild psychotic episodes as a teen, WAY before I was diagnosed. And have, luckily thus far, only had one major psychotic episode as an adult which I can currently remember (a few others one would consider "minor" like believing the video game "Silent Hill II" was designed exactly for me to take me to a higher level of existence. And I began to see parts of the visuals all over the place. From a foggy/misty day where the swimming pool area of my apartment complex was covered in a white cloud (similar scene in the game) to the look of one of the trucks we were unloading which had a roof which let in light through what looked like animal skin. 

But back to that "major break," one morning, after being off my opioids for 5 days, I became convinced that my brother, in Oklahoma City, had called a mental institution, down here in Austin, to send an ambulance out to get me and put me away. It finally resolved after my mother talked me down and we did some yoga breathing, and particularly when I got the 5 day delayed medication I was missing.

So, anyway, all that aside, I have, since at least teen-hood, had minor and far apart physical tics and twitches but they are NOT Tourette's but rather fall under "Tardive Dyskinesia" (which is now known to many people due to a heavy scattering of commercials for a  drug which supposedly treats it) which can be a side effect of a mental disorder. 

It also happens when I'm very upset and very depressed, and it can be very embarrassing when people see it. But man, oh man, it's nothing like the constant torment of Tourette's syndrome, sheesh. 

And, last but not least, it's not uncommon for people without any disorders to have a nervous tic when they feel very stressed. I.E. if you twitch, or have occasional tics, this is probably not Tourette's, but you might get a checkup by a Psychologist or Psychiatrist just to be on the safe side. 

(The difference between: a Psychologist: is usually a person with a degree or degrees in psychology, "talk therapy", and general counseling whom you go to to "discuss" your mental health and or any disorders. 

Whereas a  Psychiatrist is most often a "Doctor of Psychiatric Medicine" and is mainly geared towards "medication management" in the treatment of a "chemical imbalance" which is most likely causing your disorder. And you will seldom, if ever, discusses any behavioral problems you're having in any great detail (with the exception of something brief like, "I feel depressed" or, "I feel anxious") which the Dr. (with your input) will help decide what chemical paths [medications] one should take [and be prepared to be patient with it, it takes some experimentation to find the right balance for whatever "chemical imbalance" you have.]



I also used to have a verbal twitch going on back into my mid teens. (Once again, NOT Tourette's syndrome.)

If I thought of something I didn't want to be think of, or if the thought just popped up independently, then I would often whisper (loudly? can you whisper "loudly"?) the word "Death" which usually dismissed the thought, although sometimes it took a repetition of three, "death death death" to banish the thought. 

On a few occasions I was not careful and said this when someone I had not noticed was there, or they came around the corner just as I said it. But it was very easy just to pick up a tune saying "Tick Tock Tick. Doot doot doo doo." (from "Fly Like An Eagle") and only occasionally got a quizzical look. And one time at work a coworker said, "what was that?"

"What do you mean, I'm humming a song," and gave him some examples. But he still looked at me funny.

I was shocked? amazed? relieved in a way? when I stumbled upon a film on cable (and later, the complete uncut version on a "Criterion Edition" DVD remaster) of one of my all time favorite films, "The Ruling Class" starring Peter O'Toole as a paranoid schizophrenic who believes he's Jesus, but is brought to his family estate after his father dies to take his position in society and the House of Lords. About 75% in, the film takes a sudden dark turn, as he no longer believes he's Jesus (according to everyone; "he's cured!"), but now thinks he's an evil serial killer whose first name is known as "Jack" i.e. "Jack the Ripper" "Spring Heeled Jack" (Jack is his character's real name in the film.)

Anyway, when he was confronted by an idea when he thought he was Jesus and he rejected it he would say, "I put that into my galvanized pressure cooker. Whoop, Zang, and it's gone." 

I knew exactly what that was like.

(The Ruling Class (film) - Wikipedia)

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